Tales Of An Urban Yogini

A Chicago yogini's journey through teacher training and life in general

Apr 18

If you bend too far, you might break

by n9vember

If you’ve followed current yoga news for a while (or at least the past year and some change,) chances are you’ve heard of John Friend. And the scandal (oh, the scandal…) If you HAVEN’T heard about it, a quick Google search yields article after article after article, a few of which I’ve linked to, so I’m not going to go into detail, nor am I going to proselytize. I have never had any connection to either Friend or his school of yoga, the now-relatively defunct Anusara, so I have no personal bias, but what I read didn’t sit very well with me. Any teacher in a position of authority has a responsibility to not cross certain boundaries and Friend, as such a public figure, and for goodness sake, a yogi, could possibly have been held to a higher moral standard. (Am I getting preachy? I’ll stop. Just wanted to offer a little context.)

At any rate, this video and article: “John Friend’s Advanced Variations of the Roots: First Set” appeared in my news feed from online source Yoganonymous (love you guys!) Naturally, I was curious and clicked to see what this Roots series looked like. And this is what it looked like:

Ouch

Ouch

I’m not gonna lie to you, it made me uncomfortable. There didn’t seem to be any rationale or intelligence to the asanas. There’s the “full extension of the pose” but, this was something else altogether. It felt like a contortionist act and it made me fear for the spinal columns of less flexible practitioners, who attempt to emulate this craziness. Again, another example thrown out there for the uninitiated who think they have to BE contortionists to “do yoga” or “be good at yoga.” It just seemed a little ridiculous.

What do you think?

 

Asana

2 Comments »
Mar 25

Good At Yoga

by n9vember

Since my “graduation” from teacher training a week ago, I’ve gratefully accepted congrats from friends and colleagues. Very  heartwarming. However, this exchange inevitably leads to, “I would like to do yoga, but I’m not good at it.” Le sigh. But, it’s my task, nee mission, to let people know that asana, advanced asana, is only a tiny part of this massive moving organism that is yoga. Unfortunately, I’m still guilty of wishing I was “good at yoga.”

Case in point, I was in a particularly challenging class the other night. My normal vinyasa 2-3 class, with this particular teacher, is usually only very fast-paced, ashtanga-style, which presents its own set of challenges  when my old rotator cuff injury sparks up sometime after my tenth chaturanga. This class, however,  was very top-loaded with arm balance variations, forearm balances, handstands, full iterations of eka pada rajakapotasana, “advanced poses” etc…All well and good, but here’s where my ego gets in the way.

I can’t do a handstand. I can’t do the full form of eka pada rajakoptasana, there are a lot of things that I can’t do (yet?) And it still makes me a little sad.  For a long time, I felt like it was the one barrier between me and full yoga teacher-hood. I wanted to dive into the world of yoga teaching a few years ago, but I was worried that I wasn’t “good at yoga.” At that point, asana was my main focus (and I know I’m not alone!) All I saw was photos of yogis who were, as I imagined, “good at yoga.” Fortunately, over the years, the more I studied and made pranayama and meditation a more substantial part of my practice, I realized that asana wasn’t the end-all-be-all. Even more reassuring, I have had the good fortune to work with teachers who inform the students that there is no “good at yoga.” That you could spend the entire ninety minutes of class, in child’s pose on your mat and you are still practicing yoga!

A few days after that class, I brought my handstand conflict up to one of my yoga teacher friends (ooh, I love that I can call them yoga teachers instead of yoga teacher trainees!!) This particular yogini informed me that she’s been working on hers for THREE YEARS (this woman is quite adept at her physical practice, so the knowledge that she didn’t just kick up one day was very reassuring.) And then she reminded me that it’s the practice, the journey, that’s important.

Of course, the other extremely crucial element that I somehow manage to forget is that I actually have to PUT IN THE WORK. I’m not quite sure where I got the idea that by practicing vinyasa for a few years, I would all of a sudden be the next Kathryn Budig, who looks as comfortable on her hands as I feel on my feet. I actually have to work on the damn poses and if I don’t, I can’t feel sad that I’m not rocking pincha mayurasana in the middle of the room. I’m a quick one, right?

That said, while I still battle my ego, at least I am aware of the absurdity. I do feel that it is my duty to remind myself and others that there is no “good at yoga.”

Asana

2 Comments »
Mar 15

I AM (finally) A YOGA TEACHER!!

by n9vember

Image

 

That’s right, totally certified. I haven’t stopped smiling since my “graduation” ceremony last night. We had a fantastic gathering at the studio where we shared our memorable moments. A lot of laughing, some tears (of joy) shed…It was just incredible that so many of us had the same pivotal moments along the way. I’m sure I mentioned several blog posts back about my crying in kundalini class. Well, that class made several people’s lists. It really was an amazing bonding moment. I am fortunate beyond words to have been brought together with a group of people who are all so wonderful and unique, yet we’re all sort of “one.” One girl requested a rolling OM and pardon my french, but that shit rocks. It was awesome. Then, we went out afterward and talked and laughed and hugged and had a few non-sattvic adult beverages and had a really wonderful time. Another girl  had brought bindis, so we were all wearing them.  Numerous people stopped us to ask what the heck we had on our foreheads. A few people even asked for some. I took some great pictures, which I was very much looking forward to posting today after I’d edited them.

I woke up this morning, still smiling. Absolutely beaming. Glowing. Floating. I walked to the bus with the biggest grin on my face, which stayed there until I got off the bus and descended the stairs to embark my train. I put my  hand in my pocket to pull out my iPhone to check the time and wouldn’t you know it? GONE. Nuts. 

I had had it just minutes before and had put it back into the pocket of my long, puffy black Chicago Winter coat and this guy bumped me and sort of blocked my way, so I had to push past him when I exited the bus, so my gut tells me it was him. I had to file a police report, a report with the Chicago Public Transit Authority and my phone network carrier along with blocking and deactivating my poor missing phone. Even though it frankly sucked in a huge way, I just let it roll off my back.

I’m still completely cool as a cucumber. The only thing I am quite sad about is the loss of the photos of me and my beautiful friends on the evening of our new beginning. I so hope my photos somehow got backed up in the cloud. I am not eligible for an iPhone 5 for 10 more days, so I have this sad little $14 pre-paid phone. But, it does the job. I showed it to a colleague who made a funny comment that I had to “re-learn an outdated technology.” Seriously, I got a text as a test from the guy at the store and I was poking the screen trying to get something to happen and then I realized, yes, this certainly is no smartphone. At least he made me laugh when he said, “NO ONE is going to steal this one…”

All that said, I’m still absolutely ecstatic! I have several new possible opportunities that I’m trying to firm up. It’s all so exciting. I can’t wait!

Random

8 Comments »
Mar 6

Teaching kinda rocks!!

by n9vember

ImageWell, my Saturday Teacher Training class came and went. I was a little nervous about getting up in front of class and teaching my peers. We had a 2 hour period to fill, going around the room, each teaching short sequences. I had nothing prepared except a thorough review of the notes I’ve taken on the asanas covered in class. After at least 12 of my classmates got up to teach, it was my turn. Oddly, I wasn’t nervous at all. It was actually slightly exhilarating! I ended up not even teaching anything we’ve covered in class, instead opting for a hip-opening sequence, starring my fave: baddha konasana. Then, my turn came around a second time near the end, but we were very near the end of class, so I had to rush through instructing shoulderstand.

The next day, I got together with 2 of my classmates and we met at another studio to practice teach. I finally got to do what I’ve wanted for ages: start the class with an opening meditation. For some reason, I just LOVE that part. I love the transition from the hustle and bustle of pre-class life where the external world is so heavy on your mind, to the journey inward. I love slowing down. Slowing down thoughts and breathing and just softening into the space around you. I even led my very first OM chant! This was quite a step for me because sometimes I get a little creaky in OM. In fact, one time, I was in class next to one of my fellow trainees and my voice cracked like Peter Brady’s in his “Time To Change” era (ok, this might not resonate for the younger crowd, but if you’ve seen it, you’ll know….) We both ended up laughing. I couldn’t help myself. But, in this OM, my voice remained steady. Afterward, my classmates told me they really loved the opening sequence and they thought it really set the tone for practice. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

I am so excited to really dive into teaching. I only have TWO classes left until I “graduate.” As I’ve said before, it’s so bittersweet.

Yoga Teacher Training

No Comments »
Mar 2

Only Three Classes Left in Teacher Training

by n9vember
Gyan Mudra

Gyan Mudra

Such a bittersweet feeling…

Part of me is relieved to have my Thursday nights free again and to actually have TWO days off per week instead of the one I’ve had for 7 months. The other part of me is incredibly sad to be leaving the training program. I’ve met some really remarkable individuals and couldn’t be happier with the lovely group of people I’ve spent so much time with over these past months. I know it isn’t the end of the road, but as is customary, people get busy, schedules are difficult to coordinate and eventually you slowly drift. I hope that isn’t the case. In a way, I imagine it won’t be, since we’re tied together by a stronger force than just having been thrown together for a far less personal journey.

At any rate, today we get together for class to practice teach the class. Generally, we approach our practice classes by learning the alignment cues and verbage to instruct our students how to get into the asana, then we break into small groups and practice teaching each other. Only one other class have we each taken turns standing in the front of the class, instructing all 25 of us. It was a “round robin” class where we had to make an intelligent decision about which asana would most closely complement or counter the asana taught before. Lucky for me, my turn was after my very graceful and flexible dancer classmate came up and taught ardha chandrasana on one side. I was the last student, so I’d already prepared a savasana sequence. Foiled!

Round Robin, get it??

Fortunately, I’ve made my peace with Half Moon over the years. I used to HATE it. I could never maintain my balance, half of which was caused by fear of falling, so I wouldn’t even fully try. But, I got up there and taught to the best of my ability. Once I stood in front of everyone, I wasn’t nervous, which is strange because I have a long history of being absolutely PETRIFIED of public speaking of any sort.

I’m glad to have had that experience early on, because I’m a little nervous today. I have faith that when I stand in front of class this afternoon, it’s all going to fall into place. As one of my trainee friends said the other day, “think about it. We’re all in the same place.” True dat. It’s not as if ALL of us are even close to being expert teachers. I’m among a safe group of peers. No one’s going to laugh behind my back  if I forget a cue or say “right foot” when I mean left. It’s all good. Until then, I will just take a deep breath and when I get to the front of class, I’ll teach what I know, from intuition and my own personal practice, instead of sticking to a script.

Yoga Teacher Training

2 Comments »
Jan 14

On being an urban yogini

by n9vember
The lovely Chicago skyline

The lovely Chicago skyline

As I get more and more involved with my yoga training, I’ve come to realize the necessity of incorporating yoga into all aspects of my life, not just during that hour and a half I’m on my mat in the studio. This has proven challenging to me and is something I feel that I struggle with on a daily basis.

For one thing, city living is a beast in and of itself. I’ve lived in larger cities than Chicago, but let’s face it, Chicago is really quite large – the 4th largest in North America. With big city living, comes big city challenges. Public transportation is crowded, the sidewalks downtown are swarming with either tourists or worker bees just trying to get where they need to go. It takes a long time to get from point A to point B. Cost of living is expensive. There’s a lot of time spent waiting in lines. The pace can be hectic and often annoying. Patience is tested. Tempers flare.

I am not immune to impatience or anger or frustration. Especially when I’m on crowded public transportation (my bugbear) and I’m standing, ass to elbow, with a few hundred of my not-so-closest fellow human beings. For a long time, I let these encounters really rile me up. I’d get super annoyed when people would jam up the front section of the bus, even though there was space in the back.  Or, if some teenager on the bus was obliviously swinging his backpack in my face while I’m sitting there, fuming and festering with anger, trying to decide if I should punch him in the knee or not.

Then, one day, in class, my teacher told us about how he used to let his temper get the best of him until he realized that the only one he was affecting/hurting was himself. In the case of that backpack-wearing kid on the bus, MY anger isn’t going to affect him in the slightest. I’m the only one feeling that anger. And is it really justified? He’s not sticking his backpack in my face to tick me off, he most likely is completely unaware that this is even an issue for me. One that could be solved with a simple, “excuse me, but your pack is a bit close to my head for comfort.” And then….let it go.

Of course, this is another example of ahimsa. Toward myself and toward the unsuspecting boy. The key is awareness. If you can catch yourself before that flame of anger ignites and be AWARE that this isn’t a situation that needs to escalate (in your head), it’s so much easier to just let it go and sail through it. You see the thought, recognize it and release it. Pranayama has been very helpful. Just the act of regulating my breathing and going from shallow anger-breathing to conscious, slow deep-breathing helps diffuse that negative energy.

My day-to-day life in a large city is one big experiment in practicing ahimsa, and I’m happy to say, it has been getting easier. But, it is still a situation that is unavoidable, so all I can do is practice, practice, practice.

Ahimsa

4 Comments »
Jan 9

Light in mind, light in body

by n9vember
Image

fly little elephant, fly!

Due to what I now identify as my vata nature,  I tend to have a very active mind when I’m out of balance. Not always in a good way, either. Sometimes I feel like I have so many thoughts in my head that it’s like a hamster on a wheel, constantly rotating, going nowhere. I can think about things so much that the line between truth and fiction get a little blurry. The past few months, I’ve been dealing with some internal and external issues in my life that I felt needed to be resolved, but I wasn’t sure how or when. I hoped that the teacher training process would give me some tools to deal with these situations. And boy have they!

For one thing, practicing being present has been incredibly grounding. It’s not healthy to spend too much time in the past or the future. When you’re stuck on either end of the spectrum, you’re taking energy away from dealing with the now, and the now is when you make the decisions that affect your future.

Breathing, the practice of pranayama, has helped calm me down in so many instances, that I now unconsciously “return to my breath” (in yoga speak :) . It hasn’t always been easy, but the more you practice something, the more it becomes part of you without having to work so hard. I’ve had to continually consciously redirect my thoughts from ping-ponging back and forth from past to future. This process is almost second nature now.

After my last teacher training class (the one with the good ol’ yoga cry), I have been not-so-slowly moving toward this amazing sense of clarity. My two biggest worries required that I make a decision in order to move forward. One, I was working toward, but without a plan. The other, I was sort of trying to ignore, hoping that I’d know what to do eventually.

Since that class, I have had an entire mental shift that is leading me down the path of resolution. I took a step toward freeing myself from the burden of one of the things that was keeping me tethered and as soon as I took that step, almost immediately, I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Once that weight was lifted, I made a decision. Two actually, concerning both of the issues.

That was two days ago and today, as I have walked around from the train to the office, or just down the hall, I feel physically light. Almost like I’m floating. I’ve never experienced this sort of lightness before and it’s incredible! And I know with all the certainty in the world that this yoga journey has been the catalyst.

Yoga Teacher Training

1 Comment »
Dec 29

Whoa! Such a slacker!

by n9vember

ImageI was so convinced that this year was going to be different….It seems like every year around the holidays my will is sorely tested. My will to eat healthy….my will to maintain a daily yoga practice…But, alas, I’ve fallen off the wagon. All of the wagons.

And my wee little blog hasn’t seen the light of day in a while either…

Since I haven’t been to a proper studio yoga class in an entire week, I’ve been trying to make do with some home practice. Thank goodness for Shiva Rea. She was my first and favorite home practice yoga instructor (well, I guess technically it was Rodney Yee, but once I got Shiva Rea’s Yoga Shakti, it was all over. Can we say matrix? Yes we can!) I hung out with Shiva yesterday and  rocked a few flows on her Daily Energy DVD. Good stuff.

 Image

Home practice aside, I had intended to head to the studio today but instead got waylaid with plans for a teeny tiny New Year’s Eve party with family and a few friends. Confession: I hate cooking. For some reason, despite this flaw, I LOVE hosting a small party with appetizers at least once a year. I like challenging my culinary skills, trying new recipes, presenting the finished product, hosting…I’m looking forward to this year’s shindig.

As much as I’m anticipating a fun New Year’s Eve, this ol’ gal is looking even more forward to returning to a more disciplined January. More yoga, less sugar.

I’m willing to bet I’m going to be missing in action for a few more days, so until then, Happy New Year! I hope this upcoming year is wonderful and fulfilling for us all.

Random

2 Comments »
Dec 21

I’m doing yoga in my dreams

by n9vember
alarm clocks kill dreams

I’d like to stay dreaming just a little longer…

I’ve suffered from insomnia for as long as I can remember. Not the kind where I can’t fall asleep, but it seems that I can’t STAY asleep. I’ve gone through periods of months where I’ve woken up every night at 2 a.m., finally falling asleep just in time for my alarm to go off. To further compound this problem, I’m a ridiculously light sleeper. Tiny bit of light from the alarm clock? I swear I can see it through my eyelids. Dust settling on the nightstand? Yep, I can hear it.

While I see no major bright side to this situation, I have to say I’ve noticed an interesting side effect. When I’m finally able to return to sleep, my dreams get weird. My dreams are normally weird,  but these last minutes-before-waking dreams are nuts. I’ve also taken the time, in those lying awake hours to mentally run through a yoga class sequence…the alignment cues I’d give, the order in which I’d arrange the asana, the filler explanations. In a way, it’s kind of neat, in another, I just want to sleep, already!

That brings me to this morning’s pre-alarm clock dream. I was doing handstands. Lots of them, and very easily. In normal life, I cannot do an unsupported handstand and it’s been years since I’ve even kicked up to the wall (I have some unconquered fear of being upside down. I’m cool with headstands, but handstand makes me nervous. My palms sweat just thinking about it.) These handstand dreams have recurred with greater frequency the past few months. I’ve probably had 5 or 6 handstand dreams in that time period. I think these dreams are the greatest dreams I could have. I need to figure out a way to channel the confidence and ease I have in these dreams to real life. I love dreaming about yoga.

Yoga

No Comments »
Dec 18

What holds people back from trying yoga?

by n9vember

and breathe….

The other day, I was out with some friends and since I can’t help talking about yoga, I started talking about….wait for it…wait for it…yoga. I have no self-control. At any rate, one of the girls had just started practicing with some friends who are also in yoga teacher training (not at my studio…) Turns out, she likes it! I’d been trying for a few years to get her to go. Although I wasn’t the one to finally get her there, I’m glad she has. Just trying to spread the yoga love.  Now that she’s enjoying it, we then started strong-arming our other friend to give it a whirl. She’s got injuries that will need to be modified, but seems slightly game.

Then, we started talking about why people are so reluctant to take that first class? What’s holding them back? This is a topic that came up during our first teacher training session. The consensus was that a lot of people mistakenly believe that yoga is some weird religion, one that doesn’t jive with their own belief system. This is an argument I will save for another day. For the record, I adhere to no religion, a personal choice I made decades ago.

While we were discussing whether or not yoga was religious and the many ways it isn’t and the hows and the whys, I started thinking about the reasons that inhibited me from trying even though I’d been fascinated for years. Religion was not a factor in my decision. However, one of the items at the top of the list was that I just didn’t look like a Yoga Journal cover model, which is the most outward facing picture of yoga that many people have. For one, I physically did not resemble these women and two, I didn’t know what the hell I would wear. I didn’t own any cute yoga clothes. And, once I got past the shallow appearance-based part of my fear, I couldn’t even fathom how my body could contort itself. There’s no way I could put my leg behind my head. Or balance on my arms. And surely, I would be horribly out-of-place in classes if I couldn’t do these things, right?

The secret that nobody told me is that these yogis, these perfect-bodied, flawlessly posed yogis aren’t really the norm. After I started taking classes, there was usually only one, maybe two who came close to this stereotypical ideal. Instead, I was surrounded by people of all levels of ability. Some who were skinnier than me, some heavier, older, younger, more flexible, less flexible, stronger…What was I worried about? I fit in just fine.

And then the second secret (which really isn’t so much a secret, but what I didn’t take time to consider) was, most of these yogis started out exactly where I did and only through due diligence of hard work and practice, practice, practice were they able to conquer some pretty impressive asana (which isn’t even the most important part of yoga.) Granted, you’ve got your former dancers who come to yoga post-injury or to de-stress and they come armed with impressive flexibility, but I believe the majority of people start out as terrifically average human beings who just want to learn.

To come full circle with my now seemingly endless endorsement of yoga, I’m still continually met with people who share those same fears that I had…that yoga is something they just can’t do.  And that’s just not true.

As a yoga teacher (in training), I just wish I could shout it from the rooftops that you don’t have to be perfect. You’re not expected or required to perform fancy postures. It’s all just this deeply personal, marvelous, unfolding process. The gains you get from moving with intention and mastering the breath through pranayama are worth more than any no-hands, headstand.

Yoga

11 Comments »
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